Crime

In this installment of the North Metro police blotter, we learn there is a North Metro resident better at bomb-making than the Pakistani Taliban. Other revelations: It is a crime to prevent any further decline in your property value by way of liberating your neighbor’s “concrete donkey cart lawn decoration” from sight. It is also unlawful to propel hard-boiled eggs via baseball bat against your neighbor’s car and other property.

Ramsey: “A woman came to the police department to report that someone had stolen her concrete donkey cart lawn decoration from the yard of her home on the 16000 block of Kangaroo Street NW.”

Fridley: “An officer observed a vehicle driving with two flat tires in the 6500 block of East River Road. The vehicle was stopped and the driver, a 20-year-old man, was arrested for drunken driving.”

Blaine: “Officers were called to a home on the 13000 block of Pierce Street NE. regarding property damage. According to police reports, an 18-year-old man told police that he was hitting hard-boiled eggs with a bat over the house into a neighbor’s yard. One of the eggs hit the neighbor’s vehicle and caused scratches, police said.”

Fridley: “Police were called to the 1000 block of South Circle NE. regarding a suspicious package. Officers determined the package could be an improvised explosive device and the Minneapolis Bomb Squad was called to the scene. It was confirmed that it was an explosive device and it was dismantled and taken into evidence.”

In this installment, our neighbors in the unholy North Metro have slowed it down on the drugs a bit. Everything is just wonderful and nobody does weird stuff that would get the cops called on them… Except for a few bad apples and alligators.

Fridley: “Someone called police to report that two females were lying in a van and possibly deceased on the 4600 block of 2nd Street NE. The caller also stated it appeared the window had been shot out. According to police reports, officers found the window was missing and the women were intoxicated but not dead. No keys were in the vehicle. Both women were transported to a nearby relative.”

Ramsey: “Someone reportedly stole four gnomes from the yard of a home in the 15500 block of Yakima Street NW.”

Coon Rapids: “Officers were called to the 2400 block of 109th Avenue NW. at 6:10 a.m. after someone saw a statue of the Virgin Mary with its head missing in the middle of the roadway. Officers located four boys near the statue. The boys, ages 12, 13, 14 and 15, told officers that they were supposed to be staying at a friend’s house but were actually at a girl’s house all night. The boys admitted to putting the statue in the road. They were released to their parents and charges against them were pending.”

Fridley: “Someone called police to report there was an alligator in a home on the 1600 block of 68th Avenue NE. Police confiscated the alligator.”

This time in the North Metro, the police blotter is all about reefer madness and burglary—including breaking into somebody’s house and eating all their Dilly bars:

Fridley: “Someone called police to complain about an odor of marijuana in an apartment unit at Morrow Apartments, 5430 7th St. NE. Officers contacted the renter and she denied using the drug. Officers told her they could smell marijuana.”

Mounds View: “Police responded to a call about a disoriented person in the hallway of an apartment building in the 7100 block of Silver Lake Road. Police located the suspect, an 18-year-old Mounds View man, and cited him for possession of a small amount of marijuana.”

Oak Grove: “Someone from a home on the 22300 block of Tulip Street NW called police to report a burglary. According to the criminal complaint, the homeowner went to bed and woke up to find an unknown man sleeping on the couch. The front door had been kicked in, and the suspect had eaten bread, sausage and a box of ice cream bars. The suspect said he had been dropped off there by a friend sometime in the early morning hours, entered the home and fell asleep on the couch. The suspect admitted that he did not know the homeowner. The 28-year-old St. Francis man was arrested for first-degree burglary.”

Ramsey: “Someone called police to report a suspicious vehicle parked alongside a building on the 15200 block of St. Francis Boulevard NW. The vehicle had been there for an hour. When police investigated, they issued a ticket for marijuana possession and possession of drug paraphernalia to a 20-year-old Ramsey man.”

Fridley: “An officer observed a suspicious vehicle parked in the 7200 block of Hwy. 65 NE. The officer found a man in the vehicle who was smoking marijuana. The 37-year old man was arrested for possession of drug paraphernalia and possession of a small amount of marijuana.”

The police blotter for the North metro contains less meth than I expected, but just as much WTFness. Here are the funnier ones:

Blaine: “A man called police to his home in the 11200 block of Terrace Road NE. because he said his neighbor continually blows his snow into his yard and onto his privacy fence. Police spoke with the neighbor, who the report said declined to change his behavior and requested a ticket. The police issued a citation for littering.”

Coon Rapids: “Someone called police to report hearing seven gunshots fired in a hallway in the 1800 block of 105th Lane NW. Police set up a perimeter and entered the building. Officers found broken balloons in an entryway and believed that to be the cause of the sound heard by the caller.”

Fridley: “Police responded to a report of a smell of natural gas coming from an apartment in the 1100 block of 52nd Avenue NE. Police did not detect the odor of natural gas, but did detect the smell of dead fish. An officer advised the fire department of the findings.”

Mounds View: “Police responded to a call of a vehicle in the ditch in the 2600 block of County Road I. A 22-year-old Mounds View man was arrested for third-degree driving while intoxicated.”