Bethel: “Someone drove a vehicle through the yard of a home on the 23600 block of Kumquat Street NE., damaging bushes and shrubs.”

Fridley: “A 90-year-old woman reported she saw a naked man in her home on the 5200 block of Matterhorn Drive NE. Officers determined the woman had been dreaming.”

Coon Rapids: “A 19-year-old woman was cited for underage drinking after an officer found her hiding under a vehicle in the parking lot on the 11600 block of Raven Street NW.”

Blaine: “Two males stole 20 to 25 bras from Victoria’s Secret, 349 Northtown Drive NE. They also stole a red-and-black piece of lingerie.”

St. Anthony: “Officers found a 33-year-old man sleeping in his vehicle on the 2500 block of 38th Avenue. He had previously been forbidden from trespassing at the location. The man had a .410 blood-alcohol level, according to police reports. He was taken to a detox facility.”

Fridley: “A woman from the 6000 block of 2nd Street NE. complained to officers that her neighbors were doing voodoo on her. Police discussed the woman’s options with her.” Voodoo seems to be a large problem in this woman’s life, as shown in an earlier police blotter: “A resident of an apartment on the 6000 block of 2 1/2 Street NE. reported that someone had stolen two rolls of toilet paper from her apartment. She also complained to officers that neighbors in a nearby apartment were performing voodoo on her, causing her to smell. The neighbors denied any role in her problems.”

Blaine: “A 55-year-old woman was arrested on the 3200 block of 90th Avenue NE. for throwing a peanut butter container at her 56-year-old sister, causing a bruise and a cut to her leg. The younger sister was upset because the older sister had eaten the peanut butter with some crackers.”

Mounds View: “A 38-year-old man was shot in the scrotum with a BB gun near the 7600 block of Woodlawn Drive. He and a friend had been playing around and the friend accidentally shot him. No charges were filed.”

An internet meme and another wannabe Jihadist (seen here cuddling with Princess Tuna) were arrested for whatever it is that terrorists get arrested for at JFK International Airport a couple weeks ago. Their hot summer destination was very hot: reportedly, Somalia by way of Egypt. They figured they could just fall-in with the local terrorist crew after extensive paintball training. It is pertinent to note that both have been described as “stupid.”

From New York Times:

[His mother] said Mohamed attended the local public elementary school, two Catholic grade schools, a boarding school in Connecticut, a school for troubled youth, three Muslim schools and two public high schools, repeatedly getting into trouble for fighting or mouthing off.

At the two public high schools, North Bergen and KAS Prep, Mr. Alessa made an escalating series of threats against students and staff members through 2005 and 2006, saying that he would blow up the school, mutilate gays and punish women who were not subordinate to men, according to officials granted anonymity to discuss confidential matters. Both schools alerted the Department of Homeland Security.

Carlos Almonte’s past is also, for lack of a better word, troubled:

Mr. Almonte’s conversion, his compulsion to proselytize, and his friendship with Mr. Alessa all alienated his family, though he continued to live with them. The friction culminated in their living room on May 23, 2009, when, according to a police report, Mr. Almonte began preaching about Islam to his younger brother, Elvin, who demurred, and “Carlos became angry and they both began fighting.”

Their mother tried to separate them and Elvin bit her arm, thinking it was his brother’s. Carlos then struck Elvin in the back of the head with a picture frame.

East Bethel: “Someone put lit firecrackers in a mailbox at a home on the 2800 block of 196th Avenue NE.”

Coon Rapids: “Police responded to a report of disorderly conduct at a home in the 10300 block of Xavis Street NW. According to police reports, the original callers told police they were sitting at a recreational fire in their backyard when a man appeared at their fence and told them to put out the fire. One of the men said he started walking toward the suspect, who pulled out a fire extinguisher and sprayed it in his face. The suspect denied any involvement when questioned by police. Several people reportedly witnessed the incident, however, and the suspect was mailed a citation for disorderly conduct.”

Fridley: “Police responded to a call about a disorderly man at Pawn America, 789 53rd Av. NE. According to police reports, the man was intoxicated and told an employee that he had just killed his wife. The 52-year-old man was arrested for disorderly conduct, but police found that he lives alone and does not have a wife or a girlfriend.”

Blaine: “Police were called to Able Street NE. and 99th Avenue NE. regarding a female lying in the street; she was breathing but unresponsive. After officers identified the 20-year-old woman, she became disorderly and was yelling profanities, police said. She was arrested for underage consumption of alcohol and disturbing the peace.”

Ramsey: “Police received a report of vandalism at the fishing pier in Rivers Bend Park, 14201 Waco St. NW. An officer found that someone had removed 45 nuts and washers from the bolts that hold the dock together.”

Ramsey: “A woman came to the police department to report that someone had stolen her concrete donkey cart lawn decoration from the yard of her home on the 16000 block of Kangaroo Street NW.”

Fridley: “An officer observed a vehicle driving with two flat tires in the 6500 block of East River Road. The vehicle was stopped and the driver, a 20-year-old man, was arrested for drunken driving.”

Blaine: “Officers were called to a home on the 13000 block of Pierce Street NE. regarding property damage. According to police reports, an 18-year-old man told police that he was hitting hard-boiled eggs with a bat over the house into a neighbor’s yard. One of the eggs hit the neighbor’s vehicle and caused scratches, police said.”

Fridley: “Police were called to the 1000 block of South Circle NE. regarding a suspicious package. Officers determined the package could be an improvised explosive device and the Minneapolis Bomb Squad was called to the scene. It was confirmed that it was an explosive device and it was dismantled and taken into evidence.”

Fridley: “Someone called police to report that two females were lying in a van and possibly deceased on the 4600 block of 2nd Street NE. The caller also stated it appeared the window had been shot out. According to police reports, officers found the window was missing and the women were intoxicated but not dead. No keys were in the vehicle. Both women were transported to a nearby relative.”

Ramsey: “Someone reportedly stole four gnomes from the yard of a home in the 15500 block of Yakima Street NW.”

Coon Rapids: “Officers were called to the 2400 block of 109th Avenue NW. at 6:10 a.m. after someone saw a statue of the Virgin Mary with its head missing in the middle of the roadway. Officers located four boys near the statue. The boys, ages 12, 13, 14 and 15, told officers that they were supposed to be staying at a friend’s house but were actually at a girl’s house all night. The boys admitted to putting the statue in the road. They were released to their parents and charges against them were pending.”

Fridley: “Someone called police to report there was an alligator in a home on the 1600 block of 68th Avenue NE. Police confiscated the alligator.”

Fridley: “Someone called police to complain about an odor of marijuana in an apartment unit at Morrow Apartments, 5430 7th St. NE. Officers contacted the renter and she denied using the drug. Officers told her they could smell marijuana.”

Mounds View: “Police responded to a call about a disoriented person in the hallway of an apartment building in the 7100 block of Silver Lake Road. Police located the suspect, an 18-year-old Mounds View man, and cited him for possession of a small amount of marijuana.”

Oak Grove: “Someone from a home on the 22300 block of Tulip Street NW called police to report a burglary. According to the criminal complaint, the homeowner went to bed and woke up to find an unknown man sleeping on the couch. The front door had been kicked in, and the suspect had eaten bread, sausage and a box of ice cream bars. The suspect said he had been dropped off there by a friend sometime in the early morning hours, entered the home and fell asleep on the couch. The suspect admitted that he did not know the homeowner. The 28-year-old St. Francis man was arrested for first-degree burglary.”

Ramsey: “Someone called police to report a suspicious vehicle parked alongside a building on the 15200 block of St. Francis Boulevard NW. The vehicle had been there for an hour. When police investigated, they issued a ticket for marijuana possession and possession of drug paraphernalia to a 20-year-old Ramsey man.”

Fridley: “An officer observed a suspicious vehicle parked in the 7200 block of Hwy. 65 NE. The officer found a man in the vehicle who was smoking marijuana. The 37-year old man was arrested for possession of drug paraphernalia and possession of a small amount of marijuana.”

Blaine: “A man called police to his home in the 11200 block of Terrace Road NE. because he said his neighbor continually blows his snow into his yard and onto his privacy fence. Police spoke with the neighbor, who the report said declined to change his behavior and requested a ticket. The police issued a citation for littering.”

Coon Rapids: “Someone called police to report hearing seven gunshots fired in a hallway in the 1800 block of 105th Lane NW. Police set up a perimeter and entered the building. Officers found broken balloons in an entryway and believed that to be the cause of the sound heard by the caller.”

Fridley: “Police responded to a report of a smell of natural gas coming from an apartment in the 1100 block of 52nd Avenue NE. Police did not detect the odor of natural gas, but did detect the smell of dead fish. An officer advised the fire department of the findings.”

Mounds View: “Police responded to a call of a vehicle in the ditch in the 2600 block of County Road I. A 22-year-old Mounds View man was arrested for third-degree driving while intoxicated.”

From her alternate universe, Sarah Palin writes:

It is crucially important that Americans be made aware that the mastermind of the 9/11 attacks may walk away from this trial without receiving just punishment because of a ‘hung jury’ or from any variety of court room technicalities. If we are stuck with this terrible Obama Administration decision, I, like most Americans, hope that Mohammed and his co-conspirators are convicted. Hang ‘em high.

In her bizarro universe, a dude we’ve had locked up in Guantanamo Bay, representing himself against charges of scheming up 9/11, is totally going to slip by in a New York City courtroom. Did you hear these people bitching about the criminal trials of dudes like the “shoe bomber,” Richard Reid, back when Bush was still president? Yeah, I didn’t think so.